(this product manufactured in a facility that processes chicken, may contain trace amounts of actual meat)

I feel very fortunate that I have found my Beast who honors my Goddess. He is my King. I feel like our cup runneth over, and we are glad to share the sex, love, worship, attention with others.

Let me try to tackle your questions.

Re “How do I even approach the subject of poly love?”

As a general rule, simple is best. “Honey, I still think about poly love.”

Re “Is there hope for me, or must I live forever with this terrible hunger?”

Your wife was a poly hinge once. The drug incident seemingly freaked her, but that doesn’t mean she’ll never consider polyamory again. I think there’s hope, but as Mmkeekah pointed out, you can’t guarantee anything about someone else’s actions; you can only choose your own actions. So the outcome depends on your wife’s decisions. The outcome you desire can’t be guaranteed, but it’s a possibility, and thus a hope.

Re “Judging from our previous involvement, do you think the evidence provided by these elements is stong enough to warrant even one shot at a discussion about this, with her, without our relationship being irrevicably damaged?”

I can’t imagine what permanent damage it would do to talk about it … unless your enthusiasm got way out of hand and turned into insistence. You have to give your wife the freedom to say “No,” and wait with patience between poly-related discussions.

Re “Should I even bring this up with her?”

I don’t see how you could not bring it up, considering how important it is to you. No sense in trying to contain it in a pressure cooker the rest of your life.

Re “Knowing what you know about polyamory, is it such an explosive topic that it can ruin a relationship by just discussing it?”

A lot of people are so conditioned by monogamy-bias that they are offended when polyamory is suggested. However, your wife has already practiced polyamory, so it’s nothing monstrous or shocking to her. Just discuss it sensitively and with thoughtful restraint. Let her decide the pace of the conversation.

Re “From reading my story, and possessing your experience and dedication in the world of polyamory, what kind of a chance do I have in approaching the subject without being immolated?”

Hard to say. Not sure of the dimensions of what freaked her out about the previous MFM relationship. Was it the drugs? Did she have second thoughts about practicing polyamory?

I guess you have an estimated 50% chance of not getting immolated. If polyamory is a passion for you, I suggest you bring it up anyway. Just brace yourself.

Re “Is it possible for me to get within arm’s reach of the fire, and if I did, could I take the gold?”

That’s up to her. All you can do is present your feelings … and you have to let her express hers. Maybe it won’t be now, but maybe someday she’ll feel safe enough to give you the gold. I don’t think you can just take it.

Re “Will she see this as a gift to all of us, or a perversion, like I’m trying to distance myself from the life we’re building?”

I think if you present your feelings to her honestly, she will see that your motives are sincere.

Re “If the situation results in the latter, will she be secretly embittered for the rest of our lives?”

She strikes me as more the type to (at worst) flare up for a little while, then calm down again. I could be wrong, but my guess is she wouldn’t be embittered.

Re “I know what I could be gambling with, but what kind of cards am I holding?”

You really should ask her that question. Ask her how she feels about polyamory. Ask her how she feels about the MFM relationship that you had. Ask her what (if anything) scared her about that.

Hope the new guy works out. Stay cool.

With regards,
Kevin T.