Actual conversation:
Me: Thanks for always taking care of me.
Him: Uh huh
Me: I feel kind of special knowing you do this for me and you didn’t do it in other relationships.
Him: It’s 40% necessity.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: I don’t want to you to die.
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Posted by mmkeekah
Actual conversation at breakfast:
Him: I was watching this porno where this couple was doing it doggie-style but the woman was doing all the work.
Me: I think we saw that together. It sounds familiar.
Him: Yeah, it does sound familiar.
Me: (laughing) How can it not sound familiar to you? You just said it.
Him: Did I just say that?
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Posted by mmkeekah
Actual conversation while on a double date with a friend who was keenly into her date for the night:
Me: Sometimes I miss the way we were in that phase.
Him: What way?
Me: We could barely keep our hands off each other.
Him: We were never that way.
Me: (in disbelief) What?
Him: (being ornery): It never happened. You couldn’t name one time we were like that…
Me: (unblinking) I went down on you in a theater.
Him: (laughing) Oh yeah! I lost my belt that night…
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Posted by mmkeekah
Actual conversation on the phone after a really bad day:
Him: I’m sorry you are having a bad day.
Me: I just keep asking who I pissed off today that I deserve this bad day.
Him: Well, if you look at it objectively, everything that happened today was a direct result of your own actions.
(total quiet)
Me: Yeah, like me picking up this phone and calling you right now?
(laughter on the other end)
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Posted by mmkeekah
Actual conversation:
Me: Baby, do you think I’m fun?
Him: Absolutely.
Me: Would I be more fun if I came in different flavors?
Him: (pause) What?
Me: Like Starburst – there are different flavors of Starburst and that’s fun.
Him: I don’t like Starburst.
Me: Okay, well then like potato chips – there are different flavors of potato chips… you like potato chips!
Him: You are more fun than Starburst or potato chips… funner, even..
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Posted by mmkeekah
Actual conversation:
Me: Would you say I was controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, or intolerant of others’ views?
Him: Maybe a little self-absorbed…
Me: (gasp) You’re a little self-absorbed!
Him: Your always telling everyone how pretty you are…
Me: That is NOT self-absorption…
Him: No?
Me: No. It’s sexy confidence in my absolute cuteness…
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Posted by mmkeekah
“Five. Yup, definitely five people to make an orgy.”
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Posted by mmkeekah
Actual conversation at 1am on the way home from a bar:
Me: (searching through my purse drunkenly) Where’s the camera?
Him: (soberly driving) I put it in your purse.
Me: (as I dump the entire contents of my purse on the floor) No, you didn’t. I just looked.
Slight pause.
Me: We left it at the bar – great. I will call them.
I pick up my iPhone and punch in Goog-411
Goog411: This call is recorded. Google! Say the business and the city and state.
Me: (slurring and yelling into my iPhone) Frontier Club, Aurora Colorado
Goog411: (a search noise and then) Top Listing, Front Loading, Aurora Colorado. Number one…
Me: (frantic) No! Ah!
I hang up angrily and redial Goog411
Goog411: This call is recorded. Google! Say the business and the city and state.
Me: (trying to go slow and speak clearly while obviously drunk) Au-ro-ra Club, Fron-tier Co-lo-ra-do… ah FUCK.
I hang up angrily again and once again redial Goog411.
Goog411: This call is recorded. Google! Say the business and the city and state.
Me: (slowly and more loudly) Frontier Club, Aurora Colorado.
Goog411: Frontier Club, Aurora Colorado… top listing, number one, Frontier Club on Colfax Avenue…
Me: (into the iPhone) Number one.
I glance at him and notice he is laughing his ass off at me. I’m slightly embarrassed.
Me: (starting to giggle too) What?
Him: That took you 10 minutes!
Me: Stupid Google… (into the phone) Hi. We were just there and I think we left our camera at the bar. No? Okay well let us know if you find it. (to him) It must be in C’s back seat.
I dial our friend, C, who we were visiting with at her neighborhood bar.
Me (to C): Hey, did we leave our camera in your backseat? No? Curses, it isn’t at the bar either.
Him: I may have put it in the back seat.
Me: (looking at him, incredulous) WHAT? (I glance in the back seat, then say into the phone while glaring at him) It’s in the backseat.
Me: (as I hang up) It was in the back seat the whole time!
Him: (laughing) Now you can go to sleep like you always do on the way home…
And here’s what happens with the camera when I finally go to sleep:
What happens on the way home from a bar at 1am
1 Comment | Actual Conversations, boyfriend, funny, human condition | Permalink
Posted by mmkeekah
Actual conversation chatting on IM:
[09:54:37] you wrote: i’m flirting (with someone ) a little right now
[09:55:33] you wrote: i will now and then send him a (wink) or a flirty face ‘;)’
[10:15:23] he wrote: what’s the diff between a wink and a flirty face?
[10:15:28] he wrote: i’ve never heard of a flirty face
[10:15:29] he wrote: lol
[10:15:33] you wrote: nothing, just mixing it up
[10:15:48] you wrote: you need an imagination
[10:17:50] you wrote: a flirty face is like this ‘;)’
[10:17:54] you wrote: or ‘;-)’
[10:17:59] you wrote: or ;]
[10:18:05] you wrote: the semi colon is winking
[10:18:09] you wrote: that’s flirty
[10:18:15] you wrote: why am i explaining this to you?
[10:20:19] he wrote: well i know what a wink is…which is what you are describing… but you said you were sending him a wink OR a flirty face. so i thought they were different
[10:20:33] you wrote: sigh its exhausting talking to you if i don’t say it precisely as you expect it to be said
[10:21:08] you wrote: and then you ask questions, and if I explain my thought process
[10:21:15] you wrote: then you explain why I confuse you
[10:21:50] he wrote: all i can say to that is :-%
[10:22:01] you wrote: i just wanted to share that I was attempting to flirt
[10:22:06] he wrote: lol
[10:22:53] you wrote: i sent the following to him first just like this: (wink)
[10:23:05] you wrote: and then I sent ‘;)-’
[10:24:21] he wrote: you are
[10:24:25] he wrote: just remember how cute i am
[10:24:31] you wrote: oh you are
[10:24:42] he wrote: i forgive you for thinking i’m difficult
[10:24:44] he wrote: it’s okay
[10:24:46] you wrote: LOL
[10:24:50] you wrote: you are too much
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Posted by mmkeekah
Actual conversation while baking cinnamon streusel muffins:
Him: Is that streusel stuff supposed to go on top of the muffins?
Me: (busily adding the streusel on top of the muffins while they are baking) Yes.
Him: While they are baking in the oven?
Me: (sighing) No. I forgot to add it to the top before I baked them.
Him: So it was supposed to go on before you put them in the oven?
Me: Yes. And I can’t reach three of the muffins now so they will be streusel-less.
Him: (looking into the oven) Is something burning?
Me: No.
Him: What’s that black burnt spot on the bottom of the oven?
Me: Not sure.
Him: Should you be baking at all?
Me: Probably not.
*Title is in reference to the Baked blog I posted before.
Leave a Comment » | Actual Conversations, All About Me, boyfriend, funny | Permalink
Posted by mmkeekah
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