Me: (handing him a bag) Here, this is your stuff.

Him: Thanks. (drops the bag at his feet right where he stands)

Me: (snorts derisively)

Him: (pretending to be me) Why did you do that? I could’ve done that.

Him: (in response to the fake me) Well why didn’t you?

Me: Why are you are having this fake conversation with yourself?

Him: To save you the trouble.

Me: Well you don’t even need me around, then.

Me: Moxi (kitty) keeps waking me up.

Him: (heavy sarcasm here) Gee I wouldn’t know what that is like – does she kick you awake?

Me: (laughing) Did I keep kicking you last night?

Him: Yes.

Me: I’m sorry. (slight pause) I think it’s your fault though.

Him: Of course.

Me: You have this new habit of lying in the middle of the bed so when I need to turn you are right there. I think it’s because you sleep alone in hotel rooms all week long.

Him: I think it’s because I am trying to get as close to you as possible.

Me: Aw. That’s sweet. Well now you will sleep better for the rest of the week since you will be alone.

Him: I sleep horribly during the week without you.

Me: (thinking) See, maybe you need to be kicked in the middle of the night in order to sleep better. I’m doing you a service. (grinning)

Him: Maybe.

Me: I figured out why I was upset last night.  It’s because you want to do that DVD workout now but when I could do it and wanted to do it with you, you wouldn’t do it. Now I can’t do the workout because of my knee, you want to do it.

Him:  Can’t I be flippant?

Slight Pause

Me: Can you be what?

Him: Flippant, you know, flippant.

Me:  I don’t think that’s what that word means. I mean, what do you think that word means?

Him: Are you near a computer?

Me: Oh I’m looking it up. It means frivolously disrespectful, shallow, or lacking in seriousness; characterized by levity

Him: Oh.

Me: That’s not the definition you intended, right? You meant more along the lines of changing your mind about the DVD, right?

Him: Yeah, that’s how I meant it.

Me: See what I did there? You literally used the wrong word but I interpreted what you meant to say based on the context of our conversation. I did what you can never do with me, see?

Him: Uh-huh.

Me: I’m serious. You see what I just did there, right?

Him: I understand because you pointed out to me that I should understand but I don’t understand how I’m supposed to do that.

Me: So this one time…. (going on and on, sharing some story with said friend)

I notice out of the corner of my eye my friend’s hand in between Jeff and me. I reach back to grab her hand and turn around.

Me: Oh.

I find her standing in a surfing stance in the back of the van.

Me: You’re surfing. (I let her hand go and continue my story.)

She starts laughing.

Her: You saw me surfing and just let me keep doing it while you told your story.

Me: It never occurred to me that it would be odd.

Her: I know and that’s what I love about you.

Him: I don’t understand how anyone can promise to “love eternally.”  When you’re dead, you are dead.  There isn’t anything else.

Me: So what are you trying to say?  You aren’t going to love me eternally?

Him: I can’t.  I’ll be dead.  I won’t have the faculties to love you when I’m dead.

Me: You don’t know that, you’ve never been dead before.

Him: Uh-huh.  I was married for almost ten years.

Me: The girls came back to the house after dinner last night to hang out with me.  That was way cool.

Him:  Those kids love us.

Me: Yeah, they came back to the house after dinner just to check out the house and stayed til after 10pm.

Him:  Did you all get topless and rub boobies? Cause that’s how I’m gonna remember it.

Me:  I like those small chocolate chip cookies.

Her:  Like Chips Ahoy?

Me:  No, not those ones.  They are tiny chocolate chip cookies (using my hands to demonstrate the size) and they are small and….

She looks at me while thinking.

Me:  I don’t remember what they are called… but they are good.

Her:  Famous Amos?

Me: (triumphantly) YES! That’s them!

Her:  I was named after those cookies!

Me: (laughing hard) Really? You were named after them?

Her: Yes because my mom told me that from the first month of pregnancy until she had me she craved those cookies and ate them throughout the pregnancy and NOW I love cookies!

Him:  Mine points to the north star.

Me: (laughing) That’s true.

Him:  It will come in handy if we ever get lost in the woods.

BB: (to him) Does this bra make my boobs look big?

Him: I’m not sure how to answer that question.

Me: Your boobs make your boobs look big.