This is the post where I talk about what I learned in 2008… (sigh) but I’m recuperating from having strep the last three days and I’m a bit bummed that I got sick right before the biggest night of the year. Oh, I’ll still go out tonight but I bet my partying is a bit tempered by the fact that my body is still fighting this illness.

So what have I learned this year… hmmm…

1. From the Mexico trip: Partying 7 days in a row can be detrimental to your health so take a break in between if ya can (this may be related to getting older)
2. From school: You can get perfect scores on every homework assignment and not do well on the tests… what?
3. From work: If you want money to live, you have to go to work.
4. From my kitties: Kitties can get asthma… did you know this?
5. From my love life: You can feel happy when your lover is interested in someone else – poly folk call it compersion or frubble. I call it cool when it works.
6. From my love life: Having more than one love partner is exciting… fun… comforting… wonderful.
7. From traveling: First class is cool but business class on a huge plane is effen awesome.
8. From the past: I still think my ex is an awful person.
9. From the past: I can be an awful person too. They say the things you don’t like in a person are the things you don’t like in yourself. Wise words.
10. From my brother: Or maybe because of my brother – Forgiveness is better than holding on to past transgressions… especially if the person is remorseful. Holding onto bitterness out of some sense of being wronged is childish and petty.
11. From my past: Forgiveness is easy to give but moving on with the person you forgave is harder… most people can’t or won’t do it.
12. From life: When you get the true meaning of forgiveness and moving on, it heals so many other parts of your heart.
13. From life: Number 13 isn’t really unlucky.

I think the biggest thing I learned this year is #12. My parents died in a tragic accident when I was just 13 and for many, many years it defined who I was in many ways. Not just in how others viewed me but in how I viewed myself. And then I had this fight going on with my eldest brother that was a big part of my life even though we didn’t talk and I thought I was “over it.” Until I confronted my past with him and dealt with all of the issues between us, I couldn’t really heal from losing my parents. I couldn’t deal with the pain that brought because I wouldn’t deal with the issues between my brother and me. We couldn’t heal together (and with my other brother) because we couldn’t deal with what was between us.

I remember the anniversary of my parent’s death this year and what I remember most is how hard it wasn’t. Every year prior on that date, I was a mess – internally mostly but the pain and grief was so deep and still felt so new. But this year, while I missed them and felt the pain of their absence, it wasn’t crippling like it had been in the past. I attribute that to the mending of the riff between my brother and me. Long needed, long overdue, but just in time. A gift I gave to him, to myself, to my parents – to everyone in my life. I have an inner peace I think was missing for so long… probably tied into feelings of abandonment and loss I didn’t even know were present.

So that’s my biggest lesson of 2008 – how the sins of our past and our ability and willingness to deal with them directly and forgive those who trespass against us unintentionally, well that’s a better way to live – truly forgive not just give lip service until the next time that someone lets you down so you can use it against them in a moment of superiority conveniently forgetting all the wrongs you’ve done in your life. Better than wallowing decades long in anger, bitterness and regret. I’m 36 and I hope that lesson stays with me in the future.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you have a great last night of 2008 and I’ll see you in 2009!