So I have something else to admit… and this one is gonna shock you.
Sometimes I want a baby. It’s crazy and irrational, I know. Yet sometimes the urge is so strong, I can actually smell that sweet baby smell of formula mixed with innocence and I swear my ovaries practically ovulate right then and there.
Sometimes it occurs after I’ve spent a day with someone who has a baby. I see that tiny little body, wrapped up tightly in those cute little blankets or onesies and my heart just melts. I always sniff the baby’s head and get drunk on the yummyness that exudes from their pores.
Sometimes it happens when I look at J and I’m overwhelmed with the passion and love that I feel for this man. I look at his handsome face, his gorgeous eyes, that smile and just want to make a baby with him. I think maybe, just maybe we’d make a gorgeous baby that was the best of both of us.
I know me too well though. Even when this urge is overpowering, when the want makes my heart ache with what could be… I’m conscious of the fact it is just a temporary, fleeting want.
Because I honestly would never want to give up the life I have now. The carefree, do as I want, go where I please, stay up ’til all hours of the night/day existence I have now. I’m selfish and I love it!
I may want a baby. But I know, KNOW I don’t want kids. Ugh. They are forever. They never leave. You always feel responsible for them. When you are a parent you owe it to your kids to put them first. I couldn’t even play Barnie for my friend’s kids or even my own niece and nephews. They listened to what I wanted and if their parents didn’t like it, then they learned to not let me watch their children. Heh.
The urge always passes, sanity returns, and I move on with my life.
But sometimes, oh always… I just revel in my urge.
Madison asked me if I would marry her when she grew up. I could tell she meant it from the bottom of her heart. Her small, innocent heart melted mine. I think I’m doing right by her. Sometimes it keeps me up at night. Don’t have kids. You’ll sleep better.
Kiko, I think you have talent as a writer too! “Her small, innocent heart melted mine.” Great line!
Sage advice, my friend. I’m sure Madison will grow up just fine. You’re a good egg too.
Just started reading your blog; I enjoy it a lot.
I sometimes want a baby – very much – but I know a large part of that is wanting the bonding with my partner, as opposed to the actual child. Oh, I want the child, too – I just want it to stay about 6 months old forever – the cute stage before they get really mobile.
Not sure that you’d have to give up on the “stay up all night” existence though – babies are notorious night owls!
Best wishes to you -
Polly