sigh…
I cannot seem to let go of what I’ve done no matter how much I try to make peace with it.
I cannot undo. I cannot erase. I cannot even pretend.
I wish myself the luxury to pretend I was okay with my own actions. Yet I can’t.
Perhaps that is my penance. A lifetime of regret, pain, and loss.
Perhaps my lesson for this life is to never, never take for granted the trust of someone you love. Of someone who loves you.
Otherwise you lose that love.
Regret, regret my silent friend. My constant companion.
Now I know. Too late.
So cliche… and yet so true.
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I love how you can write out your feelings without really going into detail. And in the end I am in pain for you and don’t even know why! You are a gift.
If it has to do with a certain situation that I may know a little about…I think she feels the loss of your friendship too. She may not be able to say it, but she loves you..it’s just hard to move on without the memory of it. The human mind has a crazy way of holding onto things like that.
You feel regret…unfortunately there is nothing after that…
Thanks, Nina.
I miss her.