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Thirteen Things Mon-Mon Doesn’t Like About Polyamory (aka Poly Con List) 1. You become a sexual deviant in the eyes of your family, friends, and society. Monogamous people treat you differently, even if they say they understand. I don’t even think its necessarily meant to happen, and yet, it does. 2. Your friends suddenly think you want to sleep with them. 3. Your friends get offended if you explain you aren’t attracted to them “in that way” and don’t want to sleep with them. 4. You have to unlearn a lot of societal conditioning – while this can be a good thing, it’s not exactly easy. Especially when you are in crisis and need support and all you have to turn to are friends who share that societal conditioning. It would be so much easier to just give into the conditioning. 5. Everyone thinks you will sleep with anyone – as if suddenly you don’t have any standards or morals. Being non-monogamous is not the same thing as being immoral. Not that I believe sleeping with a lot of people is immoral – I’m more focusing on the societal conception of sleeping with more than one person and how they tie that into their view of non-monogamous people. Besides, many poly people I know are even more picky than some of my single, serial monogamist friends. 6. People don’t get you because you aren’t practicing a “normal” love style. There isn’t much understanding in the world for poly people and sometimes that is downright tiring. 7. Society has an insane aversion to jealousy – which is quite prevalent in the world in general and in polyamorous relationships as well. If you try to explain why you’re jealous to a non-poly person, their attitude is akin to “well, what did you expect?.” Jealousy is just an emotion; just because you’re poly doesn’t mean you suddenly lose all emotion. It just means you are willing to accept it will happen and willing to work to control jealousy instead of letting jealousy control your life. 8. Polyamory takes brutal self honesty – BRUTAL. You can’t hide from yourself and be successful in poly. Lying to yourself in poly will destroy your relationships – even long term marriages fail because people lied to themselves in poly. You will give into societal programming and probably believe poly is evil instead of recognizing there isn’t any evil, you just weren’t honest with yourself. 9. You will meet a lot of people who “think” they can be poly but in practice have a hard time “being” poly. And this can cause a lot of pain. A lot. 10. The dating pool shrinks because few people “get” polyamory. They think you can’t commit. They think you are a player. They think they can’t handle jealousy and want you all to themselves – to the possible detriment of any other existing relationships. 11. New Relationship Energy (NRE) while fun… can lead you down some crazy paths because it blinds you to possible problems with new folks and can negatively affect your existing poly relationships (but that is for another post, I think!). 12. The other alternative lifestyles out there don’t support polyamorous folks very well either. 13. You obtain a LOT of phone numbers in your travels and dating and it’s hard to manage them. (lol) |
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