I was talking to my cousin on email about the demise of yet another triad and he said to me, “It seems you and J keep dating people who aren’t familiar with polyamory and maybe you should consider keeping to people who are more experienced with poly.” There may be some truth to that but there are also these truths 1)even poly people have a hard time with poly, 2) the heart doesn’t work that way, and 3) there are a lot more “straight” folks out there than poly folk.
I don’t go out there looking for straight folk – especially not straight women – and yet I can’t help who I’m drawn towards or who returns my interest. In fact, it is very rare for me to be drawn towards just anyone. Even J, while finding many woman here in Denver attractive and funny, isn’t one to just fall in love with everyone.
It is even true that neither one of us was looking for anyone in particular when we met N. We just happened to both meet this funny, quirky, sexy lady camping this summer. And they had a definite “spark” going on between them, and I wasn’t threatened by it. I actually found her charming and attractive – and lo and behold she was intrigued by what she saw between Jeff and me and wondered if maybe she could be a part of it too.
It is so rare to find not only a physical connection but also a deeper connection that could lead to an emotional bond that will grow into a long term relationship with one person, let alone two people. So if it does happen, do you let it pass because one person isn’t familiar with a new relationship dynamic?
I certainly can see an argument for avoidance given the fact that my first triad bombed so tragically and horribly. And central to its demise was the fact one person in the triad tried something completely new to her and couldn’t get passed her monogamous upbringing and open her heart to the possibilities polyamory offers. She couldn’t even try honesty with herself, much less honesty with her partners, in order to be in a triad relationship. And poly talks a lot of self-honesty in order to maneuver the bumps open and honest relationships sometimes cause.
I can’t control who I’m attracted to but I can control who I pursue. Believe me, more than once I’ve stated out loud, “I’m done with ‘straight’ women who think they are attracted to girls – never mind what Katie Perry says” and “I’m only dating poly people.” But in the end, the spark ignited, I followed my heart, and I found myself falling for just the type of girl I was trying to avoid.
What’s that road to hell paved with? Oh yeah, good intentions. Well, I guess I can take comfort in the fact I’ve remained true to my initial promise to myself. I’ve kept my heart open, I’ve let it lead me where it will, and hopefully my reward is the fact that I’ve been open and honest with myself and others.
But thanks, Kiko, for worrying about me. It’s always good to know I’m loved.
Posted by mmkeekah 
