Good questions! I don’t think that same-sex marriage would have changed anything in my particular situation. Wife and I would/will have a ceremony without the legality anyway. For us it is less about being recognized by the state, than it is making a commitment to be there for one another and to do so in front of friends and family so they know how committed we are. She and I never did it before mostly for lack of money. But now that Hubby is involved, it will likely happen. He is the one pushing for a public ceremony, actually.

Still state-sanctioned marriage is important in regards to taxes and medical benefits. I recently lost my health insurance and we are struggling to figure out what to do about it because Hubby can’t add me to his benefits — he already has a wife! This is the big issue for same-sex couples, because without that paper, they can’t share benefits or taxes, they can be denied access to their loved ones in a hospital setting, and they can even be denied access to their own children.

Which brings us to your second question. Polyamory — in the context of more than two adults having a long-term committed and loving relationship with one another — is not bad for kids. I venture to say it is a better way to raise children considering the whole “it takes a village to raise a child” concept. Wife and I have always raised our kids together, even when we just thought of ourselves as best friends and not partners. My kids think of her as their second mom. They can’t imagine life without her. She cares for them in ways I cannot. My kids don’t think about and don’t care about the sexual aspect of our lives (what kid wants to think about their parents having sex, period? and what parent wants their kids to know about that?), so that is not an issue. All they know is they have two moms and two dads that love them. What more do they need? My kids, by the way, love our big family. My 16-yr-old asked for one thing for his birthday — a party with his whole extended family there.

Now, I am coming at this from a closed-triad perspective, that is, no one in my home is bringing home strangers or dating a new person every week. I think that can be confusing to a child — the same way a single mother bringing home a new boyfriend every week can be confusing to a child. But in my case, our kids have stability, they have loving parents, they just have a lot of them.

And if you relate that to same-sex relationships, what matters more — that a kid have one mother with girl parts and one father with boy parts? Or that a kid have at least two adults that love him and care for him, regardless of their parts?

Do you think your life would have been different if same-sex marraige was an option from the beginning? If so, how? Could you also talk to those that might feel that polyamorous relationships might have a negative impact on any children involved? I believe this is the biggest sticking poing of gay marraige in the U.S.

Kiko