an existential keekah

The leaves have turned and the nights are cooler. The lawn doesn’t require as much mowing and the sun doesn’t come up as early as it once did, nor does it stay up as long at night before the moon makes an appearance. The morning walks are generally windy and cold, which hardly motivates me to climb out of bed to face their bitter caress.

Some time has passed and along with its passing comes a sense of clarity that oftentimes can be missed if you aren’t inclined to notice it. Looking back into the past, I can see where I allowed some events to occur, and even more clearly, I can see where I made some events actually happen with my own fears and insecurities. I can see where my own personal actions hindered my own personal growth and the growth of my relationships.

I consider life a personal journey. A journey filled with joys and sadness – ups and downs – triumphs and failures. I consider each an opportunity for growth, both as an individual and as a member of society. Each event that approaches me or one that passes me by is filled with potential to challenge my personal views and to change my world as I know it. The future keeps happening, even as the past leaves in its wake circumstances and people that have moved on.

The past is the past; what matters is what is happening now, the people in your life now. Or so I read on another blog. But I wonder if anyone who truly cares about others besides themselves can really move on from the past without some introspection. Can a person truly grow internally if they wash their hands completely of past lives, loves, and events?

I suppose it is easier to wash your hands of past events in order to begin a new chapter in life. I suppose it’s easier to say the past is the past and avoid your own culpability in order to open your life to new people, new experiences. Never once glancing back at the chaos left behind, to never face your own actions and their resulting consequences. Some doors are easier to close without the bother of confronting your own demons.

But I’ve never been able to do that personally. My own analytical nature won’t allow it. Plus, I feel a sense of responsibility to myself, the people in my life, and to the world in general to always ask the question – what did I learn from that experience? A lessons learned, so to speak, for the project I call my life.

Make no mistake – sometimes you just have to move on. I’ve certainly done so more than once in my life. But moving on does not mean forgetting all that happened. Avoidance is never a good quality to attain. Instead a good mantra to live by is “Never look back but never forget.”

Time will move on, and so will life, but I take with me those lessons. The valuable life lessons from each experience that allow me to grow and to be a viable member of society. As the leaves fall off the trees and the cold soon turns the rains into wintery snow, I take with me the knowledge that past experiences bring forth necessary growth.