Forgiveness. It is on my mind right now. A few years ago I did something, caused harm to a dear friend and set in motion a path that I never imagined. My first reaction to what I did was to hide it. There were many reasons I convinced myself to lie, but first and foremost was fear. I was afraid I’d lose my friend. I also worried about the repercussions to this friend’s life because there would have been repercussions. But mostly, I was selfishly worried about myself. Carrying this burden of my act was something I thought I would have to endure my entire life. But I didn’t understand at that time that people do grow, relationships change, and circumstances pave the way to a better understanding of oneself and those in our lives. My friend’s life ended up changing without any intervention on my part. In a way, I was able to see that I didn’t carry the responsibility of her life and the folks in it, anymore than I was solely responsible for what happened. Our friendship also grew in ways I’d never imagined. We opened up to each other and realized that we were both human, both fallible. And even with our faults, we could appreciate each other and what we brought into each other’s lives by being friends and loving openly. And yet I felt a fraud because I had this secret that directly impacted her. Though time had passed and times had changed, this one act had remained forever caught in my memory and filled me with shame. I had at one time thought my kindness to my friend was to never reveal what had transpired. I believed that my lot in life, my gift to her, was to bear this shame in silence. But I realized that the true gift was to come clean and allow her the choice I’d not given her in the past. To forgive me or not. So I fessed up. Fearfully. Shamefully. With remorse and love. And she forgave me. Truly and completely. She has never once made me feel ashamed – never once railed against me in anger and betrayal. I’m sure she felt it. But to her credit, she just accepted my apology and we moved on from that point. Some would consider her forgiveness a weakness. Some would wonder how she could allow herself to be treated so poorly and yet remain friends with me. Some wouldn’t know my friend. She is a beautiful, loving person. It is a testament to her character, to the beauty of her soul, to the depths of her heart that she could look past my act – to the person underneath – and find it in her heart to offer forgiveness for a treacherous act. I am humble and in awe of who she has become, who she is, who she will always be to me. I hope she knows I will forever be grateful for my second chance to prove that I deserve her in my life. “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”
To Err Is Human – To Forgive, Divine
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I have been very fortunate in my life, to have such great friends. People who are willing to fogive me, even when I might crucify myself for my personal sins.
You are obviously deeply regretful and authentically apologetic. We are all human, and subject to moments of incredible stupidity. Her forgiveness was well earned, I have no doubt.
I hope you are having a good weekend
Shasta
Funny thing – all I did was say I’m deeply sorry. I didn’t give her excuses or try to rationalize my actions. I just admitted what I did and apologized. There is a great deal of power and simplicity in those words.
I had a terrific weekend! I hope yours was wonderful too.