Comments on: A History of Mon-Mon, Part 2 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/ Life. It's just one damn thing after another. Thu, 05 Jan 2012 07:15:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: kiko http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-561 Mon, 09 Apr 2007 21:43:33 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-561 Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart
You’re shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Cecilia, I’m down on my knees
I’m begging you please to come home

Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart
You’re shaking my confidence daily
Oh, Cecilia, I’m down on my knees
I’m begging you please to come home
Come on home

]]> By: mmkeekah http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-560 Mon, 09 Apr 2007 20:43:38 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-560 I am equally sure that you are right. We have good people in our family. And they were dealing with the loss in their own right. I love my family – though I may not understand them.

It isn’t right to hold on to grudges and such – and I honestly don’t have that towards anyone specifically. My life at that time was what it was. I survived and more importantly I like who I turned out to be. I think I’m a good, decent, and loving person.

But I have my wounds that don’t heal. They aren’t festering either – they are just a part of who I am. And I like to share who I am.

Thanks for reading and participating. It actually means the world to me, Kiko.

]]> By: kiko http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-559 Mon, 09 Apr 2007 20:36:54 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-559 I think part of the problem is that most of the family is oblivious to what you went through, snowball songs withstanding.

]]> By: mmkeekah http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-558 Mon, 09 Apr 2007 20:19:56 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-558 I actually agree about the snowball songs – heh well except it really did go on for hours and hours. He would also take my name and make new nicknames for me – just lay on the couch and recite different nicknames over and over and over. He’d make me listen – follow me around and refuse to let me leave. These are actually harmless examples – ones I feel safe sharing.

I agree about bottling it up. I’ve never been one to bottle up – you should know that :) But I admit that there are things that happened during those time that I’ve never discussed and I’m not sure I ever will. I can talk about the pain I felt, the stress I felt but not specifics.

I was never sexually abused by him. And he only hit me once – because I moved out when he did. I was 14 and there was no way I was going back. But he still had control over me for four years after.

I don’t think I dwell on it. But I’d be lying if I said it never bothered me. Especially when family tries to bridge the gap between my brother and me. I don’t wish him ill will, but neither do I have a strong urge to have him in my life.

]]> By: kiko http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-557 Mon, 09 Apr 2007 20:06:55 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-557 I think Rich’s snowball and cecilia songs are his greatest contributions to society!

Seriously though, that’s heavy baggage for a 13 year old to carry. Now that we are adults, we can see it for what it was. Some call it bad luck, some call it fate. What we do with the cards we are dealt is what defines us.

A funny thing happens when you keep things bottled up though. You never get passed it.

]]> By: mmkeekah http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-554 Mon, 09 Apr 2007 14:44:10 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-554 The obsession was really two parts – one was a child-like behavior that included pestering like you would expect from teenagers – following me around the house being annoying – singing snowball songs, telling grandiose stories that never ended or threatening to have me committed or sending me to an orphanage – and this would go on for hours and hours – to the point where he wouldn’t let me sleep. You know my brother and his behaviors so just imagine living with that 24/7 and never being able to get away from it. It was like he would think of ways to torture me for hours on end – mental torture.

The second part was his desire to be my hero and show our family that he was a decent, upstanding person. He wanted to be able to take care of me. He just couldn’t do it because of his mental illness and drug dependencies. You know our family and are initimately familiar with this type of behavior. Even after I left and tried to make a normal life for myself with other people, he would sabotage it. He came between J and L and me many times, and so I had to move out. When I stayed with friends, he would come by their houses at 2 AM and threaten the parents of my friends with litigation because he was my legal guardian – and I was just spending the night.

These are just a few examples.

I think in some respects he viewed me as his salvation – sounds big-headed of me, I know. But I just think he thought if he could raise me and show others what a good guardian he was, it would mean he was a good person. The problem was he wasn’t a good person. So that’s what I mean by obsession.

]]> By: kiko http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-552 Mon, 09 Apr 2007 13:50:33 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-552 What do you mean by obsession?

]]> By: Gina http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-510 Thu, 05 Apr 2007 14:22:34 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-510 Wow. I am so sorry you had such an unbelievably painful adolescence. I am beginning to wonder if anyone I know had a good adolescence. If you ever need a listening ear, I am here.

I am impressed that you made it to the other side and have turned into such a strong, beautiful woman in spite of the pain and darkness.

]]> By: mmkeekah http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-505 Thu, 05 Apr 2007 02:02:23 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-505 Thanks for reading. I will keep posting!

]]> By: Heidi http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-503 Wed, 04 Apr 2007 22:35:28 +0000 http://anexistentialkeekah.com/2007/04/04/a-history-of-mon-mon-part-2/#comment-503 thank you for letting us in. i would like to hear more about your journey to happy well-adjusted adult. i’m glad you made it.

]]>