an existential keekah

So it was Sunday afternoon. J was at the airport on his way to another city for the week. K and I had gotten our nails done and were supposed to go shopping. But the sale we wanted to take advantage of wasn’t happening for three more hours. K decided to go home first, spend some quality time with her family, get tanned then come back and pick me up.

I had three hours. I should clean was the thought that crossed my mind. I opened the closet door, got out the cleaning supplies and poof! the house was clean.

Well, first I sat down at my computer and researched all the proper ways to clean a house so as to assist me in my future cleaning endeavors. I’ve learned new cleaning techniques that I will write a book about to assist other folks who, like me, just want a clean house with minimal effort. I will be revered by all. And I now have the cleanest house on the block.

Okay, so I looked around the house and decided what we needed was a live-in maid. I quickly looked up the resumes of several up and coming housekeepers. They all were available for an interview that moment and came over. Each demonstrated their abilities by cleaning a room in the house. I was impressed by all, but decided to hire the hottest one because, let’s face it, he’s going to be around and I like the idea of a half naked man running around my house cleaning. And BONUS – my house is clean and I didn’t have to lift a finger.

Really, I looked around the house at what needed to be done and started crying. I had a breakdown because I swear I just cleaned the house last week, and since I was the only one home between now and last week, I can’t understand why it was messy. I sobbed into the fur of the kitties, then curled up in the fetal position for a good sulk. I called my therapist and he excused me from house cleaning duties for the rest of my natural life.

Actually, what happened was I looked around the house and thought, “Eh. It’s not that dirty,” and then went to the spare bedroom to lie down with the napping kitties. I alternately watched The Last Boyscout and On Golden Pond because who wouldn’t watch those two movies at the same time? After they were over, I watched Untamed Heart until my girl came and picked me up to go shopping.

I never did clean the house. Tomorrow. I will do it tomorrow.