After the initial reaction of “I could not do poly,” the next question out of people’s mouths after finding out about my poly relationship is… how does that work exactly?
Most people are wondering about the sex equation because, for some people, it is more comfortable to take my relationship down to its lowest common denominator – sex. It is more comfortable for folks to think I am with my boyfriend and my girlfriend because we have great sex.
And we do.
But our relationship, as most relationships should be, is more about relating to each other than it is about sex. My relationship with both my partners is like any other relationship or marriage out there – it just happens to involve three people.
I’ve personally witnessed more than a few marriages that held two people who barely tolerated each other but, by society’s definition, would be considered a successful union. I never wanted that for myself. What I wanted, what I still want, is a family. People connected by mutual love and respect, who want to be in the relationship through thick and thin and actively work every day to make the relationship worthy of those involved.
And I want great sex as well.
My answer to how this relationship works is through communication. Without we are lost. It isn’t always perfect. Communication takes time and effort and there are times when we don’t want to give those for our relationship. Sometimes we have to fight it out, say our piece, and then get past our egos to really talk to each other.
And like other couples, sometimes we wound each other with words. Words we can’t always take back. But then the lines of communication open up again, and we find a way to forgive each other. And we work it out.
It is also remembering that there are three individuals involved, which sometimes means we may all want and need different things from the relationship. It means respecting the other people enough to talk about those needs/wants and working so that everyone gets what they need/want. It means loving each other enough to understand that sometimes your needs/wants may need to take a back burner for the time being.
Communication is key. It is done out of love – real love, not that soggy, romantic kind. The kind of love that will allow you to hear when someone is pointing out that you are being ridiculous or hypocritical. The kind of love that allows you to feel like crap when you realize you’ve hurt someone you love instead of getting angry and indignant. The kind of love that allows you to show compassion when someone else needs this gentle pushing.
And then you can have great sex. Loving sex. Sexy sex. Sex on top while someone else fondles you. Sex from behind with some else below you. Cuddly, close sex with limbs and such askew.
Great sex.
Posted by mmkeekah 
