I dreamt of my mother last night. I don’t remember the details but I awoke with a gasp and immediately started sobbing. As the tears ran down my cheeks and the kitties came up to meow/inquire as to what was wrong, I tried to remember why the dream made me cry.
I know it is because of Miranda. So much like my mommy. I am worried about her. She is gone and no one knows exactly where she took herself to. We just know it’s not here in Colorado.
Is it wrong that part of me admires her? It takes courage and strength of your convictions to walk away and not look back. If I’m honest, I admit the thought has crossed my mind in my life, both past and present, what if I were to just leave?
But just as quickly, I know I could never do what she’s done. Because it seems so cruel. To walk away without a word to those who love you and who you profess to love. Not even a goodbye. I just don’t have it in me to be deliberately cruel.
But I still love her. And I’m scared for her. I worry that she is safe. I worry about who she is with. She called her parents last night – at least we know she is alive. So many unanswered questions, and yet, all I personally can be thankful for is that she is alive.
Beneath the admiration and behind the gratitude is pain. Take care of yourself, sweetie. And don’t forget we love you, no matter what.
