The Good Girl

February 27, 2007

I visited my brother’s house last evening and spent the evening giving my errant niece a good ribbing. She took it pretty well, considering. But then I sent her to my blog and told her she was the subject of a post. After reading it, she said, “Aw make me feel bad…”

That actually was not my intent when I told her about the post. It wasn’t even my intent when I wrote the post. In fact, I don’t think it was me that made her feel bad, but rather her own self who made those feelings.

Her parents raised her to be a kind, loving, and thoughtful person. When a person like that does something to hurt those she cares about, naturally when she sees the results of her actions, she is going to feel bad.

That’s a good thing. Enjoy that feeling, Randers. It means you are a good girl.


American Beauty

February 23, 2007

I’ve known since I was 13 that life is hard. That it isn’t always fair.

Good people die. Bad people live. It doesn’t make sense.

But I’ve also somehow always known that the beauty of life is its simplicity. That even when something horrible happens, you keep breathing, you keep living, you keep going. Somehow your will to live overrides everything else.

What a simple design.

I was thinking of that scene in American Beauty where the boy whose home life is unimaginable – a catatonic mother and an abusive father – still manages to find beauty in a single plastic bag dancing gracefully in the breeze.

And I remember… I, too, will go on. Until it’s my time to not go on. And everything else will go on without me.

It’s that simple. It’s that beautiful.


Thursday Thirteen

February 22, 2007

Thirteen Things Mon-Mon Likes About Sex

1. The orgasms
2. The sounds
3. The touching
4. The fetishes
5. Discovering new pleasures
6. The orgasms
7. Being teased
8. The smell
9. The feeling of closeness with those I love
10. The thrill when experiencing something or someone knew
11. The tastes
12. The laughter
13. Did I mention the orgasms?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Dream A Little Dream

February 22, 2007

I dreamt of my mother last night. I don’t remember the details but I awoke with a gasp and immediately started sobbing. As the tears ran down my cheeks and the kitties came up to meow/inquire as to what was wrong, I tried to remember why the dream made me cry.

I know it is because of Miranda. So much like my mommy. I am worried about her. She is gone and no one knows exactly where she took herself to. We just know it’s not here in Colorado.

Is it wrong that part of me admires her? It takes courage and strength of your convictions to walk away and not look back. If I’m honest, I admit the thought has crossed my mind in my life, both past and present, what if I were to just leave?

But just as quickly, I know I could never do what she’s done. Because it seems so cruel. To walk away without a word to those who love you and who you profess to love. Not even a goodbye. I just don’t have it in me to be deliberately cruel.

But I still love her. And I’m scared for her. I worry that she is safe. I worry about who she is with. She called her parents last night – at least we know she is alive. So many unanswered questions, and yet, all I personally can be thankful for is that she is alive.

Beneath the admiration and behind the gratitude is pain. Take care of yourself, sweetie. And don’t forget we love you, no matter what.


A Cute Love Story

February 20, 2007

A Cute Love Story


Driving Me Crazy

February 16, 2007

Why is it that on Friday mornings the traffic is very minimal on the drive in to work, but the afternoon drive home is jam-packed with people going home?


Mardi Gras Is In The Air

February 16, 2007

Actual conversation with my gay, faux boyfriend over the phone:

Poodle: This next weekend is Mardi Gras in Saint Louis.

Me: Oh that’s right! Are you actually going out?

Poodle: Yes.

Me: Oh that’s right! The city closes down at 8pm so you can go to bed at your regular weekend time, huh? It doesn’t really disrupt your old man ways…

Poodle: I’m going to cut you the next time I see you.

Me: (giggling) Nice.


Repost: Thursday Thirteen

February 15, 2007

Thirteen Things Mon-Mon Learned About Love

I wrote this last year for myself as a reminder of what I know and believe about love and how I should behave to show I am love. It seems appropriate to share this with everyone for Valentines.

  1. Love yourself. You have to love yourself before you can believe someone else loves you.
  2. Love all ways. There isn’t a wrong way to love as long as it’s honest and given freely. Even if it isn’t returned.
  3. Say I love you often. You deserve to say it. Your loved ones need to hear it.
  4. Love doesn’t always happen as you expect. Sometimes they love you back. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes it’s not how you want.
  5. Love is painful. It just can be.
  6. Sometimes love isn’t enough. No matter how much you love someone, no matter how much they love you, sometimes it’s just not right.
  7. Love needs trust. You have to behave in a manner that deserves trust so that love can be given without fear of heartbreak or loss.
  8. Love is humble. This one is tough. You have to let love be bigger than your ego. Bigger than your need to be right. Bigger than your need to be heard. Bigger than your rage or sense of wrongness. Bigger than all of those petty things in life that seem like a big deal but really aren’t.
  9. Love can mean expectations. Its okay to ask for what you want.
  10. Love can mean boundaries. And that’s okay too. Find what works for you and your loved ones.
  11. Love needs patience, understanding and compassion. Maybe what your partner is going through makes absolutely no sense to you. But that doesn’t matter. Just be there. Be patient. Be loving.
  12. Love needs forgiveness. No one is perfect. Forgive yourself. For behaving badly in a moment. For not seeing something as it truly was in a moment. Share forgiveness with those you love.
  13. Let Love Rule. In all situations. When you are happy. When you are mad. When you are fighting. When you don’t understand. When you are lost. When you feel silly. Let love rule your life, your heart and all your situations.
  14.  

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


A Poem About Remembering

February 12, 2007

The Past Is Still There

I’ve forgotten so much

What it felt like back then

What we said to each other

But sometimes when I’m standing

At the kitchen counter after dinner

And I look out the window at the dark

Thinking of nothing

Something swims up

Tonight this

Your laughing into my mouth

as you were trying to kiss me


Another Gentle Reminder to Myself

February 6, 2007

Love is patient and kind.
It is not proud or rude.

Love is giving and thoughtful.
It is not jealous or boastful.

Love is compromise.
It does not demand its own way.

Love offers security and appreciation.
It keeps no record of being wronged.
It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.


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